Interesting post.

This message is adapted from "Following the Mystics through the Narrow Gate" not something I wrote! but I did enjoy, even the Bible speaks of the importance of self-evaluation. 

The German Jesuit, Karl Rahner, said something like this (although his German is hard to translate): “The infinite mystery that you are to yourself and the infinite mystery that God is in God’s self proceed forward together as one.” In simple English, as you uncover God’s loving truth, you uncover your own, and as you uncover your own truth, you fall deeper into God’s mercy and love. I’ve certainly seen this in my own little journey. When I come to a breakthrough in my own shadow work, my own sinfulness, my own self-knowledge, or in wonder at my own soul, it invariably feeds and invites the other side, and I want to go deeper with God.

In the same way, when my heart opens up in a new recognition of the nature of God, it always invites me into deeper and daring honesty, deeper self-surrender, deeper shadow work with my own illusions and my own pretensions. The two will always feed one another, and that’s why people who go deeper with God invariably have a very honest evaluation of themselves. They are never proud people. They can’t be, because the closer you get to the Light, the more you see your own darkness. And the closer you get to your own ordinariness (which sometimes includes darkness), the more you know you need the Light.

barely

Well this last week has been a hard one. My Grandpa passed away on friday and the hardest part was not him leaving us it was watching him suffer the way he did. In order to understand a bit well I want to tell you about my Grandpa. Everyone knows him as Jay but his real name is Lloyd. If you ever had anything that needed fixing well just say the word and he would be working on it. It didn't matter how hard the job or how hot the day he would be out there working his tail off just to get it done. He was so strong! I tried racing him once when  I was around 10 and well he beat me! he was around 70... Yea, that's just who he was, so competitive!!! I remember one time being in his truck at a stoplight and some punk teenagers were giving him a hard time... Im pretty sure they were just as shocked as I was when we floored it off the line and left them in the dust haha! He was always up for a challenge. He had dealt with cancer before but this time it was different he was older and it came back with vengeance. People can speculate as much as they want as to why bad things happen to good people but I know as long as we are on this side of heaven none of us our exempt from the fall; (sin/sickness/death) *check the 3rd chapter of Genesis for more info. which has corrupted the world.

Moving on.... so now its been 2 weeks since his "homecoming to be with Jesus" we had a nice ceremony for him with our family and even the Navy gave him a flag ceremony. Really everything was beautiful and I couldn't be happier with how it all went; I mean I got to tell him I loved him and he told me he loved me before he went. But somehow... now, life just seems so weird. I don't know what to do with myself and I don't know why? I seem to be constantly reminding myself of what it is I'm doing, of my plan for life, and why. (as if i actually had a plan! LOL) Maybe I'm just floating through space until its my turn to go? But interestingly enough that's where I'm at and this song has really hit home, I love how it says, "In the pain is there healing? In Your name, I find meaning, so I'm hanging on....."
so there you have it update on my insanity... :)