Heart of hearts...

In my heart of hearts I long to be free. In my heart of hearts I know I am.  There is a fear that keeps me questioning, there is a doubt that makes me cringe. But just when I am at the end You remind me to keep going, and I start again. 

If brokenness could heal me if sorrow I could befriend, then my arms are open I welcome them in. If i had to be blind  in order to follow; if uncertainty was key;  then let Your grace be sufficient, enough for me.

         Thoughts are jumbled. This week has been a blur and honestly everything I think and feel is so fuzzy I cant really situate it but when I tried to write what happened the above poem thing came out so I will leave it at that.  

No matter what the circumstances are; I know that He is there.

I am never alone.  

Hinds Feet in High Places...

The Shepherd laughed too, "I love doing preposterous things," He replied, "Why, I don't know anything more exhilarating and delightful than turning weakness into strength, and fear into faith, and that which has been marred into perfection..." 
This book makes me think a lot! if you haven't read it then... What are you doing reading my blog!?!? go read it! haha but as a forewarning it Is an allegory so be prepared. I think its hard to get into but once you do you wont be disappointed. You might be surprised at how easily applicable Much-afraid's story is to your own. 


I feel as though often times I dont know what to do or where to go.... but more often that not He has already shown me the way; if only I was willing to trust Him, to take His hand and Go.... 

134 'am

Can't sleep. lol actually i don't want to. sighs I just found out a good friend of mines husband was given 3 to 5 days to live.  If that doesn't put things into perspective then i don't know what else would. Im currently watching a movie called pay it forward. The gears are turning but sighs  i dunno...  I think right now my heart just hurts but why is it always about me though... There's so much i don't get, so much i don't want to, but where do i go from here? That is what i would really like to know.
 Okay Switching gears, in the car today with a person Ive only known for 5 days I was struck with some deep thoughts. She asks me, "Have you ever thought of pursuing a music career?" I paused before answering, she looked over and was like "Whoa you just lit up! I saw it!" and with that I blushed because well the truth is I cant even play in front of people. I get so scared. I'm not really good at much of anything, but I am okay at everything. The jack of all trades the master of none, its a stupid saying but you know, in God's kingdom the first shall be last and the last shall be first. I think when  God made me....
 Romans 9:21 Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some for common use? 
 Maybe He made me this way so that i could never get prideful or maybe his plans are just more than i could ever fathom..... did you know Romans 11:32 says, "For God has bound everyone over to disobedience so that he may have mercy on them all.


We serve a God who loves to save; to show mercy. My heart is aching but I know I can let it rest in the hands of the one who will show me mercy. Jesus I need you.

Kentucky

Randomly I ended up in Kentucky for 4th of July who would've guessed?!?! haha I love the randomness of my life there truly is never a dull moment. The beginning of this summer  3 friends and I drove from our homes in California, to Indiana to work at a summer camp called Springhills. Springhills didn't need me for the week of the fourth of July so I was free and worried! (worried because i wouldn't be getting paid for a week and i didn't know where I would stay) But once again God showed me his faithfulness! A girl I barely knew invited me to stay at her house even though she wouldn't be there, but not only that she also got a job for me working with her dad. Its incredible!  So here I am chilling at Jamie's house in Noblesville, IN. for the Fourth of July we visit Jamie's sister in Kentucky at a private lake!  I love the Kentucky accents they are great! It was so much fun and we even had our own fireworks show. As we sitting around watching the fireworks all of a sudden the box misfired SIDEWAYS! one shot right by me so  i moved back thinking it was just one misfire then all of a sudden it just starts launching them out into where we were sitting! we all RAN in different directions. (kind of like when you spray a line of ants with windex) it was quite comical but oh so scary! one girl got hit and had a little burn mark. (there was about 20 of us there) The fireworks were quite eventful and we all had a good laugh afterwards when we were safe!
      Off in the distance i looked up and saw some of Gods fireworks... The lightning was so incredible... It jsut lit up the sky. I love how His fireworks are louder, brighter, and way more awe inspiring!
 We serve a good King.

CON CORRECTO EREGOS SOM

Its latin.... it means I am therefore I do....   kind of the story of my life i guess you could say...   the rap artist Lecrae puts it best  in his song Hands High "Folks was looking at me like I’m crazy Yep that’s my name, that’s the way God made me" When given one word to describe me crazy happens to be the first choice of many. While that may be true I am a bit crazy underneath it all I have a lot going on. Its not just pure insanity haha but I am Brandy therefore... well therefore here goes my blog! I figured people need to know there is a method to my madness.