The Irony of life...

How many times have you heard me cry out 
"God please take this"? 
How many times have you given me strength 
to Just keep breathing? Oh I need you
God, I need you now. -Plumb

So my last post was titles "Where Past  and Present Collide"....  Little did I know given some time They were actually about to collide with the force of an avalanche tornado hurricane typhoon rocks slide volcano INFERNO?     yea whatever word best describes i dont know.... but the results of this are in some ways devastating and maybe redeeming? It is extremely hard to explain and even harder to understand. I woke up one day received a call sat at a coffee shop then resumed my day as if nothing happened all the while thinking ooh its okay it was another one of those bad dreams....    Have you ever had a dream so real that when you wake up you are still scared still convinced it was happening?  I get those a lot and so I summed it up to that..... but somewhere deep down in my core I knew this was the other way around.... It was so unreal to me I assumed it was a dream.. but its not  and its happening now.  How can Hero's die so easily? It's not supposed to be this way....

and so I'm left to cry out... God I need you now

Where past and present collide

Do you ever have those moments maybe its just nostalgia that somehow gets triggered but instead of good memories it brings up those things you have tried so hard to forget? I had one of those the other day and sometimes it seems like I just can't shake it the memories wont leave me be. The past is past people say you can't change it so why let it haunt you anymore. But how easy that is to say when you're not the person with the guilt over shadowing your every breath. Sometimes it can completely incapacitate me. In those moments I have to go straight to the cross. Remembering that then and there His blood was shed so that I might be forgiven. He sacrificed himself in order that I could be made righteous, holy, to be with Him forever.
Me Holy? Me Righteous? But I know myself, I say, I know how horrible I am.... yes yes that is true but He is my righteousness He is my holiness... When the Father looks down He sees Jesus' perfection in me... Nothing I could do but in His love He covers me.       Incredible... Incomprehensible... Truly Amazing grace...

Father please...
"Lead me to the cross where Your love poured out. Bring me to my knees, Lord I lay me down. Rid me of myself I belong to You. Lead me, lead me to the cross... To Your heart..."